A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said,
‘We were the first in space!’
The American said,
‘We were the first on the moon!’
The Blonde said, ‘So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!’
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
‘You can’t land on the sun, you idiot!
You’ll burn up!’ said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, ‘We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!’
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
the blonde yelled back,
‘IT’S A SCARF!’
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
‘Impossible! ‘ says the doctor. ‘Show me.’
The redhead took her
finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
Likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said,
‘You’re not really a redhead, are you?
‘Well, no’ she said, ‘I’m actually a blonde.’
‘I thought so,’ the doctor said.
‘Your finger is broken.’
There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. ‘Yoo-hoo!’ she shouts, ‘How can I get to the other side?’
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, ‘You ARE on the other side.’
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff,
‘I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!’
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, ‘What’s the story?’
He replies, ‘Just crap in the carburetor’
She asks, ‘How often do I have to do that?’
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, ‘Which do you think is farther away… Florida or the moon?’
The other blonde turns and says
‘Helloooooo, can you see Florida ????’
Wife … maghiwalay na tayo!
Man … ok! akin ang bahay!
Wife … Akin ang farm!
Man … Akin ang kotse!
Wife … Wag mo isama driver, matagal ng akin yan.
Man … Magkakamatayan tayo! Akin siya!
Reporter … Manny, anong bill ang gagawin mo kapag congressman ka na?
Manny … Ano’ng bill? yung tomotonog pagkatapos ng bawa’t round sa bukseng?
A lawyer driving on a highway notices a crowd in an intersection.
With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action, he shouted,
“I’M THE SON OF THE VICTIM.”
Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.
There he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the people…a pig bumped by a trailer truck!