A Girl’s First Time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.

He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty! Excuse me, What were you thinking?

camel and elephant

A camel and an elephant met.

The elephant asked the camel “Why do you have your breasts on your back?”

The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies ..
“What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face!”

paga

isang araw may lalaking pumunta sa doctor. Kasi maliit si totoy.
Guy: doc wag kayong tatawa ha!
Doc: eh bakit naman ako tatawa eh doctor nga ako eh…
Guy:(shows his 2 inch dick)
Doc: (laughing) oh my…hehehe
Guy:sabi ko sa yo hwag kang tatawa eh…
Doc: eh anong problema…
Guys: eh kasi doc namamaga eh…

city executive

Isang Successful Male Executive sa Makati ang stress na stress sa pamumuhay sa lunsod. Sa trapiko at sa trabajo kaya nagpasya ang Executive na tumira sa malayo sa kabihasnan total mayroon naman siyang konting naitatabi at nagiisa lang naman siya.Nakabili siya ng sakahan sa paanan ng Sierra Madre Mountains at doon nagsaka siya at namuhay na mag-isa na malayo sa kabihasnan. Makaraan ang anim na buwan na walang TV, Telepono, Internet, Sine, Disco at Beer Gardens napag-isip-isip niya na ang buhay sa lunsod ay hindi naman pala gaanong stressful.Nagdadalawang isip siyang bumalik sa lunsod ng may kumatok sa pinto. Nang buksan niya ang pinto ay bumulaga sa kanya ang isang lalaking malaki at matipuno ang pangangatawan.”Magandang araw po, ako po ang kapitbahay ninyo na nakatira sa paanan ng ikat’long bundok mula rito, kaya po ako nasadya ay gusto ko kayong kumbidahin sa ‘Party’ sa bahay sa Sabado ng gabi.””Aba, magandang idea iyan, anim na buwan na nga akong hindi nakakapunta sa Party. Asahan mo ang pagdalo ko.”Paalis ang lalaki ng: “nais ko pong malaman ninyo na mayroon pong inuman””Okey lang, anim na buwan na nga akong hindi nakakainom eh, asahan mong dadalo ako.”Paalis na muli ang lalaki ng: “nais ko rin pong malaman ninyo na maaari rin pong magkaroon ng awayan na nauuwi sa pag-bu-bunuan.””Okey rin, normal lang sa Party ang medyo magulo at anim na buwan na rin akong hindi napapaaway, sanay akong makipagbuno, huwag mo iyong alalahanin at siguradong dadalo ako sa Party.”Bago tuluyang umalis: “nais ko rin pong malaman ninyo ng mayroon pong ‘wild sex’ sa Party.””Lalong okey na okey, anim na buwan na akong walang sex. Ano nga pala ang dapat kong isuot, Formal?, Casual?, Rugged ? . . . . . .””Kahit na ano puwede, total TAYONG DALAWA LANG NAMAN ANG MAG-PA-PARTY”

pakurot nga..

minsan may maglola…apo: lola pakurot nga ng pisngi mo?? lola: sige apo kurot na… apo: lola pakurot nga ng braso mo?? lola: sige kurot lng! apo: lola pakurot nga ng bilbil mo?? lola: gago! hindi kobilbil yan suso ko yan!

reyp

isang eksena sa korte —- ATTY: Miss, pwede mo band i describe dito sa korte yung nang reyp sayo? — MISS:(umiiyak) maiitim po sya, kalbo, bungi, pango at mabaho po ang hininga. — SUSPECK: SIGE!! MAMINTAS KA PA!!

PURGATORYO

~~~ ANAK : Nay, pakaksalan daw po ako ni Jeff?…..INA : Yun naman pala, pero bakitmalungkot ka?….. ANAK : Kasi po wala po siyang religion, di siya naniniwala saDiyos, at di naniniwalang may langit at purgatoryo…..INA : Sige, pakasalan mo nasiya….sa ating dalawa niya malalaman na may langit at purgatoryo!~~~