Software Upgrade May 23, 2008
Dear Tech Support Team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such …
Vacuum Cleaner September 27, 2007
Ako si Gregorio Magtangol, isang Mechanical Engineer sa Pilipinas.
Sa hirap maghanap ng trabaho sa panahon ngayon, pati pag se-salesman ng vacuum cleaner ay pinasok ko na.
Minsan, pumunta ako sa isang bahay sa isang barangay. Kumatok ako sa pinto… Isang malaking misis ang nagbukas sa akin. Pero bago nakapagsalita ang babae, inunahan ko sya. mabilis akong pumasok papunta sa sala nila para di na makatangi sa presentation ko.
Katulad ng utos ng boss ko, binuksan ko ang isang plastic bag ng SM at ibinuhos lahat ng lamang tae ng kalabaw sa carpet. this was a technique taught to me In selling to …
Holiday
TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?
STUDENT: Ma’am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng holiday!
DNA
REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na…
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police: “Di Namin Alam ”
Historical
Man1: Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya
Man2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay nag-Hysterical
Man1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko!”
Bagong salta sa America May 21, 2007
Bagong salta sa America, yung Pinoy ay gustong mag-long distance sa Pilipinas kaya dinayal yung “0 for Operator”.
Operator: AT&T. How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you’re calling?
Pinoy: Aybegyurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you’re calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
You have Mail! December 7, 2006
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, a Singh, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house.
A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house he went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here our Singh came again,looking very heated up. He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder …
Russian Checkpoint
An American journalist was stopped at a Russian Checkpoint in the bullet-pocked suburb of Chechnya.
The Russian soldier said, “Get out of the car and open the trunk!”
The American replied, “I’m sorry, but the handbrake on the car is broken. I can’t take my foot off the brake or it’ll roll back down the hill.”
So the Russian says, “Do you take me for a FOOL?!” as he slides into the passenger seat, and stamps his big boot onto the brake pedal.
“Now, go and open the trunk!”
So the journalist reluctantly complies with the soldiers request and goes and opens the trunk of the car.
“Now”, …
The Little Guy December 5, 2006
A little guy was sitting at a bar one day, drinking his beer and minding his own business, when a great big guy walked by and — BAM! — knocked him off his bar stool. “That was a karate chop from Korea!” the big guy said, grinning.
The little guy gets up, angry, but figuring that the big guy was probably drunk, he decided to just get back on his stool and finish his beer. All of the sudden — BAM! — the big guy comes back by and knocks him off the stool again. “That was a judo chop from …
forgive your enemies October 3, 2006
Toward the end of the church service, the Minister asked,
“How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady.
“Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.” She replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight.” she replied.
“Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all how
a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the
world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and …