How to deliver bad news October 9, 2008
KUMIRIRING ang telepono nang madaling araw….
“Hello, Master Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, ‘yung
katiwala niyo sa bahay-bakasyunan niyo.”
“O, Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Ano’t napatawag ka? May
problema ba?
“Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na
namatay ang alaga niyong parrot.”
‘Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? ‘Yung nanalo sa
bird show?
“Opo, Master Carlos, ‘yun na nga po.”
“Putris … sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko
sa ibong ‘yon.
Hay, buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?”
“E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne….”
“Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang
nagpakain sa kanya ng bulok na karne?”
“W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang …
BLONDES September 18, 2008
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, ‘Which do you think is farther away… Florida or the moon?’
The other blonde turns and says
‘Helloooooo, can you see Florida ????’
facelift September 16, 2008
Pasyente … magkano ang facelift?
Doktora … complete treatment ay P145,000
Pasyente … mahal!!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para magmukha akong bata?
Doktora … heto tsupon, P20 lang!!
Software Upgrade May 23, 2008
Dear Tech Support Team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such …
Vacuum Cleaner September 27, 2007
Ako si Gregorio Magtangol, isang Mechanical Engineer sa Pilipinas.
Sa hirap maghanap ng trabaho sa panahon ngayon, pati pag se-salesman ng vacuum cleaner ay pinasok ko na.
Minsan, pumunta ako sa isang bahay sa isang barangay. Kumatok ako sa pinto… Isang malaking misis ang nagbukas sa akin. Pero bago nakapagsalita ang babae, inunahan ko sya. mabilis akong pumasok papunta sa sala nila para di na makatangi sa presentation ko.
Katulad ng utos ng boss ko, binuksan ko ang isang plastic bag ng SM at ibinuhos lahat ng lamang tae ng kalabaw sa carpet. this was a technique taught to me In selling to …
Holiday
TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?
STUDENT: Ma’am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng holiday!
DNA
REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na…
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police: “Di Namin Alam ”
Historical
Man1: Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya
Man2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay nag-Hysterical
Man1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko!”
Bagong salta sa America May 21, 2007
Bagong salta sa America, yung Pinoy ay gustong mag-long distance sa Pilipinas kaya dinayal yung “0 for Operator”.
Operator: AT&T. How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you’re calling?
Pinoy: Aybegyurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you’re calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
You have Mail! December 7, 2006
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, a Singh, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house.
A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house he went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here our Singh came again,looking very heated up. He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder …
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